do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
