She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
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Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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