Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
