omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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