I feel great
I just peed on a car
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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