a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
