in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
