I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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