Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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