Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
