you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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