you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
