She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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