sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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