oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
