I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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