so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.