Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
