:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
