i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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