Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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