We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
time to smoke my breakfast
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
