why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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