mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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