I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm having to shit out rocks
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