I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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