Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
