Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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