I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
