k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
