im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
