New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
