The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
