I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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