so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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