He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
