Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just pee around me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
