I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
