You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
