whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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