He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
