what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
