you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
