when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
