butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
