I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
