I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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