Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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