we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was CRYING into my vagina
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
