You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Semen is not good for contacts.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
