i think my mom watched the whole time
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
