i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
