some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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