what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
